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POSITIVE

Birth Stories

THE BIRTH OF HAYES



 


PART 1

I had intentions the night we (Jaime and I) fell asleep on the 5.4.23, that in the morning

when Jaime woke for work at 4am we would make love, to open the portal for our little one to come through. When I woke that morning I remembered my dream of being in labour all night, funny, because that wasn’t a dream I was in early labour I had just managed to sleep through it all.


I knew that the day of the 6th would be our 10th moon together in the womb from conception and there was a stirring inside for something was going to happen that day and this moon. After we made love we showered and I lay back in bed. From the moment I laid down, I felt surges ‘contractions’, strong and long, they began to wave through my body. 5am conscious labour had began. Each surge lasting 8 long deep belly breaths (45secs), which were coming every 5 minutes. At this very early point I had already thought to myself “What have I just signed up for….”


The sensations I felt were low and forward, I felt very uncomfortable breathing through them

and if I were to try and describe these earlier sensations it would be like the most intense

period pain, except it wasn’t a pain it was a heaviness, a pressure.


For sensations like these I would usually take a victim or sufferer role and I did for a moment, I believe this was my maiden self, but I gently reminded myself of the fact that pain and fear can be felt as love and pleasure IF I choose to feel them in that way. So, for a while during each surge, I battled with this concept in my mind. The repetition and consistency of the surges made it more tolerable, whilst continuing to take my FULL attention. I decided to mention to Jaime before he left for work that he might want to stay home even though we didn’t know how long the journey ahead of us may be.


PART 2

I took a fit ball to my birth altar and began to connect into all the powerful women that had

birthed before me. Intentionally placing both my grandmother’s necklaces on, a dear friends

necklace she had gifted me, for I aspired to have a similar birth story and my sweet sweet Aunty Jenny’s ring who had just recently passed. I connected to the red thread and the beaded pendant whom all the women present at my mothers blessing had infused the purest of intentions into a bead and threaded. I read affirmations and letters of encouragement and strength gifted and sent to me from these powerful women in my life.


By this point it was perhaps around 7am (anyone who has given birth my tell you that there

really is no time when you are in labour land) I will be going off photos in my phone, times of

phone calls and what time my partner ‘thinks’ it was) around this time, already, I could NOT

bear the thought of moving through a surge seated. So, most surges from here on out, I would drop to my knees and either use the fit ball, couch, or just hold myself up on all fours during or lean over a bench. I swivelled and circled my hips during, and in-between, small, gentle movement was key at this point. The space in-between each surge felt peaceful and plentiful, giving me enough rest to raise my vitality and energy for the next and the next and the next.


PART 3

Even though surges were growing with intensity, I had written in my early labour plan that I

wanted to go to for a short walk to the beach (even though I was already thinking it might be a bit adventurous) too, we were told that if you walk and surges continue or increase then you are definitely in established labour. It’s a funny thing the first time you go into labour, even when you KNOW you’re in labour you’re not sure whether to believe it or not. You don’t want to get your hopes up. I remember getting up and making myself a fried egg on toast while Jaime made business calls, checking in on me every now and then. He left me in my own space and energy a lot and even left to go to the office for a while and get a coffee at the local café around 9am.


We’d let our Midwife & Doula know that we had entered early labour since 5am, they were on standby. I remember my midwife calling at 8:41am speaking with her in-between surges, I told her that the full moon peaks at 2:34pm and that our baby would arrive for the full moon. Lou said she’d call back at lunch time to see how things were travelling if we did not call her first. Jaime returned and I spent a few more hours on the fit ball and all fours while contracting. The surges were beginning to increase with intensity, some now 3 minutes apart and then 5 again. By 11am I recall wanting to take that walk now, the beach still seeming a little optimistic, I chose to walk up the street in front of our house. I didn’t make it far, having to stop every 4 minutes to move through a surge. I had been using the TENS machine for about an hour now, I found it a great tool in labour, the thought of being able to press a BOOST button at the start of a surge was a great distraction for my mind & even though I knew I had no control, the TENS truly tricked me into believing that I did or at the very least supported me to move as one WITH and THROUGH the pain, pressure and discomfort. So much so, that I remember for one surge during our walk I had forgotten that I turned the whole machine off so when the surge came I could not press BOOST and I whinged through the whole thing. I moved through surges on a neighbours brick wall, hanging off the limb of a tree, Jaime and cars.


PART 4

After our walk we came back inside, from the moment we entered I felt my labour go up

another notch. The TENS went higher, I stayed on all fours & child’s pose longer, swaying and swivelling my hips became harder to do whilst moving through a surge and I did not find any relief in Jaime attempting hip/glute squeezes. I knew I was now entering active labour, instinctively I began vocalising like a deep om and ooooo at the end of each surge followed by what sounded like a little girl who had hurt herself and was sooking for her mother’s comfort, again I believe this to be another shedding of my maiden self. By this point we were thinking we should probably start blowing up the birth pool and telling our midwife and doula how things were progressing, after all, labour was progressing faster than we had anticipated or thought it would (even though I had written, read aloud and visualised my birth script for the specific amount of time daily for weeks now and our labour seemed to be following that visualisation and guided message to the tee so far)


Every woman who has every birthed before, knows you go into a complete time warp, another portal or dimension. So, to me it felt like 10 minutes later that I found myself leaning over a fitball on all fours, vocalising louder and spontaneously feeling my body beginning to bear down, beginning to push my baby down and out. The next contraction I began losing a little fluid, I told Jaim very firmly “CALL HOLLY” (our doula) & in the very next contraction “CALL LOU” (our midwife) intuitively feeling as though it wouldn’t be long now.


PART 5

While Jaime was setting up the pool, I took myself to the toilet, I hated moving through surges in a seated position, it felt so uncomfortable compared to all fours. Everything felt intense now, I gathered my energy to put myself in the shower, it felt as though I was stumbling through the Sahara Desert. The hottest of water running on my lower back as I was on all fours, felt so relieving! At some point Jaim brought sponges in to put underneath my knees. Around 1:15 our doula arrived, I remember looking up at her and saying “Hi Holly”. In my birth time warp, I felt like I had been kneeling on the shower floor for 20 minutes, but it was more like an hour.


Holly knelt down in front of me, bearing witness to my process, she began offering the

emotional support I’d been independently denying myself, thinking I had to do this all by

myself. Her support created an openness for me to be vulnerable, I was going through

transition at this point. I felt myself being torn, but it wasn’t the kind of torn or ripping open

into a thousand pieces, it was like one grand explosion, a pulling down into the earth, a decay, a dying, it was as if nothing mattered anymore. I felt like this is where I would die and forever remain trapped in this realm of intense sensation, never recovering, never returning. Like a soul part, would remain there for eternity. They speak about the part of labour where the women travels to the cosmos to collect her baby & returns with them to earth…. That’s what happened, my soul left to travel up and my body melted deeper into Pachamama, the underworld, the inner realm. During this time, I did not back away from a single sensation, I felt them fully, my body was working so hard to bring my baby earth side & I was going to continue to do all I could do to work with it and not against it, for I knew that each surge is what would bring me closer to meeting my baby.


Transition had me saying things like “I can’t do this”, “I feel like I have to go to hospital and

have a caesarean”. My doula listened and continued to reassure me that I was doing a great

job, that I can do this and that I WAS doing it.


Part 6

Some point during transition Holly asked me to talk her through what was going on up there in my mind, I could answer her in my mind, but no words were coming out, as the pressure I felt could not be described, then I would drift into la la land. There are also no words for how

needed and how much I loved this soft sleep, draped over the fit ball, one hand on the floor to stabilise, the other holding Holly’s, my chest and faced squished on the ball as I drooled and allowed my breath to carry me.


Jaim & Holly were thinking I still had a while to go, perhaps only 4cm dilated (not that I had any checks during the whole labour) but based off my sounds & what I was saying, like an early transition. We all know women can go from 4cm to baby. We will never know how far dilated. My doula knew I’d been in the shower on my knees for over an hour now and suggested, if I’d like to go to the toilet, I said “no”. Holly promised me that my baby wouldn’t be born on the toilet – I still didn’t want to. I asked if I could get in the pool? Holly “yes, but you may still have a while to go.” At that point I felt little girl Tay, sooking and wincing, wanting to throw a tantrum, like how much more can my body bear, how much further can my mind talk me through. I know now that Holly was stalling, as there was a problem with the hose and the pool was not filling.


I did stand up in the short space that was now in between surges, I could feel the complete

widening of my pelvis, the pressure between my legs now was so low I could physically feel & sense that my baby’s head was right there, only a few centimetres left to travel. With the

power of the next surge, I dropped back down to all fours, holding Holly’s hand so firmly. I

called out to Jaime to come and see if he could see the head, while waiting on him, the next

surge I reached down and to my disbelief I was cupping the entire shape of the back of my

baby’s head. Cupped perfectly in the palm of my hand. Apparently, I locked eyes with my doula and said “The baby is coming!”


On the next surge I felt my baby’s hair, about 4 fingers width. It’s the funniest thing in birth, the dance between absolute truth and trust but simultaneously waves of doubt. I was feeling the back of my babies head, their hair in the palm of my hand and yet I said “I don’t know….”


Jaim was behind me in the shower now & with the next surge he said he could see our baby’s head emerge & stretch and glide back in. I rested for a moment, built vitality called upon the rest of my strength & with the next surge my body innately bore down. I could hear the reassuring voice of Holly “breathe, breathe”, my vocals now so low and primal. Behind me I hear Jaime, “PUSH PUSH PUSH” getting so excited at seeing his baby’s head emerging again & with that single push it was the finale, altogether our babies head following entire body. Our baby boy was born into the world. Straight into his dad’s arms. In our shower at home.


A normal physiological birth

No checks

No vaginal examinations

No questioning

No manipulating or changing

No midwife (though she would have been if we’d told her to come earlier)

Drug free

Just trust & nature


Listen to Tayla & Jaime speak about Hayes' birth story on the Shebirths podcast below



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